CM: We played that the other day in concert and nobody really got it. How will Cold play develop? You've mentioned you'd like to work with Timbaland.
RG: What, the boots people?
CM: Yeah, the people who make boots.
RG: Bruce Foxton's got a brand new pair of Timbalands.
CM: Yeah, I thought what we need to do next is a CD that comes in a pair of durable walking boots, so you can listen to it when you're hiking.
RG: You're going for the working-class vote now, aren't you? [Thinks] Who are your fans?
CM: Ah, man, it's tricky. I don't think we'd be anywhere if Radiohead didn't exist. I think we're like why Diet Coke was big. Because some people couldn't handle Coke. That's how I see Coldplay.
RG: That's very humbling.

You talked this year about wanting to be bigger than U2.
CM: That's more of a way of thinking. In terms of trying to be emotionally honest. Basically, what I've learned at the moment ... [to Gervais] Why are you looking at your watch? Are you bored? I knew it.
RG: I'm not bored. I've got a lot of things to do. I'm a busy man. Go on. We were talking about U2 and Simon Pegg.
CM: Oh, I've fucking had enough.
RG: Do you want an arm wrestle?
CM: [Trying again] I feel like we're entering a new phase as a band, so I don't want to tell anyone what our influences are. We've got so many things in development. I don't think people are going to necessarily like it very much. But we will. I'm excited by it.
RG: [Appropriating This Is Spinal Tap] You're not allowed to do experimental jazz in front of a festival crowd.
CM: [Quoting the next line] "On the bass ... Derek Smalls: he wrote this." Even the songs in Spinal Tap are incredible. I went surfing yesterday and all the time, in the water ...
RG: That's why people hate him. Cos he just throws that in there, like it's a normal thing to do.
CM: Well, it was my first day off for five months.
RG: People don't hate you. They don't know you like I know you.
CM: Nobody likes a fat pop star. Anyway, I had this tune in my head the whole time thinking, "That's a fucking brilliant song." Then I realised it was Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight by Spinal Tap.
CM & RG: [Singing] "Tonight I'm gonna rock you, tonight I'm going to rock you ... "
CM: Have you met any politicians? Are you interested in any of that stuff?
RG: I haven't met any.
CM: What about when you were researching [stand-up show] Politics?
RG: Oh yeah, I was down the Houses of Parliament every day.
CM: You didn't do any research, did you?
RG: No. Did you do a lot of scientific research about the speed of sound?
CM: Haha!
RG: It's about 700 miles an hour, isn't it?
CM: Well, when we're playing, it's slightly slower.

AFTERWARDS, THEY HAVE their photograph taken together. Martin remains unfazed by yet another photo session, but Gervais is like the proverbial kid on Christmas Day, throwing Brent shapes, lying on the floor and, at one point, picking up the Coldplay singer in his arms. Then Gervais is off, already late for a meeting the other side of town. "Lovely bloke," surmises Martin when he's out the door. Didn't find him a touch competitive beneath all the jokey banter? "Well, yes," agrees Martin. "But then, aren't we all?"